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Talk Dirty to Me 9
Added: February 10, 2010
Talk Dirty To Me 9 winds up something like an 80-minute commercial for lesbian dial-a-date. Sex talk show hostess Dr. Connie Morris (Ashlyn Gere) is suspected of being a lesbian - an incendiary piece of news that causes Gere's ratings to plummet faster than Woody Allen's popularity index. Neither really defending nor denying (at least persuasively) the accusations, Gere is starting to attract a lot of lesbian callers-in who have decided to come out of the closet. You'd swear a lot of the call-in dialogue sounds like reconstituted Penthouse Forum letters.
Gere's show is on the verge of getting pole-axed, but her misfortunes aren't occurring by accident. Alex Jordan has a competing talk show, and Jordan is at the helm of a conspiracy to frame Dr. Morris - notwithstanding the fact that Jordan's character is herself a lesbian, but not a very active one, judging the merits of her scene with lover Lacey Rose. In a bright outdoor pool setting, Jordan goes to muff-dive Rose, but Alex's mouth looks like it's been super-glued to Lacey's pussy - the scene stresses that one and one angle only. B-o-r-i-n-g! Ditto a simultaneous masturbation sequence featuring Randi Jones and Christine Appleleigh. Yawn.
The show tries to make some valid points, and its look is technically solid. However, an attempt to cram in a 1000 points of light on gay lifestyles while getting the requisite number of sex scenes leaves the overall production looking hurried and incomplete with an absolutely cornball resolution. The fact that psychologist Peter North gives Gere a "gay test" (for crying out loud) to prove she's normal and thus save her program, is absurdist poppycock.
A couple of the sex scenes are cut abruptly; Marc Wallice is credited in the production but his actual screen appearance is reduced to five seconds of camera cutaway, as he "spies" on Chrissy Ann having some very brief outdoor sex with Kris Newz. (There's a behind-the-scenes explanation for the Wallice thing, I'm sure.) Anal fans will be disappointed that Stacey Nichols who is famous for her butthole beatifics performs only straight sex with lawyer (???!!!) T.T. Boy, while Gere looks just plain "screen-tired" for the most part, especially in her early-on tryst with Mike Horner.
A noble dress rehearsal if it were a rehearsal, but somebody's slip is showing.
Scene 1. Ashlyn Gere, Mike Horner
Scene 2. Alex Jordan, Lacy Rose
Scene 3. Christine Appleigh
Scene 4. Randy Jones
Scene 5. Chrissy Ann, Kris Newz, Marc Wallice
Scene 6. Stacy Nichols, TT Boy
Scene 7. Ashlyn Gere, Peter North